only just begun


Holy meatball sandwiches, you guys. The past (nearly) two weeks have been a nonstop whirlwind of excitement, ambition, surprise, and more gratitude than my heart can contain. I've said before that writing with the goal of being published (but not yet being published) can feel very isolating at times and it's so true. If you're lucky, you have a small, but dedicated group of loved ones and beta readers cheering you on, but at the end of the day, it's a lot of work with very limited feedback. You can feel like you're on the right track, but when you're faced with rejection after rejection, it starts to wear you down. You start to wonder if the track ever actually leads anywhere.

The decision to self-publish IT FALLS APART wasn't an easy one for me to make, and I still find myself wondering if I've taken a huge misstep, but I'm starting to worry less about that because apparently, people are reading it, and as far as I can tell, they're liking it. And with over 3.5k views and hundreds of subscribers (people who WANT to be notified when a new chapter comes out so they can keep reading), this is the first time since I signed with my extremely awesome agent years ago that I've felt like I've accomplished a little more of what I set out to do. Obviously, this isn't it as in goal accomplished. I still want an editor to fall in love with my writing, my books, to take a chance on me the way I've decided to take a chance on myself. But...people are reading one of my books. And based on the numbers, it's no longer just friends and family. It's strangers. It's people who aren't only reading because they know me. It's people who seem to be enjoying my characters, my voice, this story I hope both touches and entertains. It's an incredible thing. And it's far from over.

If you've been reading IT FALLS APART, even if you just checked it out and haven't continued, THANK YOU. From the very bottom of my heart. Your support means so much, I can't possibly express it. Working in publishing, I know writing novels is far from a get-rich-quick scheme. Most writers don't make enough to quit their day job. Many never will. That's not why they write. That's not why *I* write. I write because there are stories in my heart. It's full of characters, jokes, arguments, heartache, confusion, passion, and beauty. I write because I want to put that out in the world. I write because I want to share it with people who might read it and say, "Yes, this. I can relate to this." That's why reviews often mean more to authors than sales. Writers don't seek fame and fortune. They seek voices who've read us and feel compelled to say, "Yes. Yes to all of this." 

I'm hoping to have more concrete details to share with you all soon regarding the e-book release of IT FALLS APART. As we get closer to that date (it will be in late June), I can promise an exciting new cover reveal, more fun teasers and excerpts (for those who haven't had a chance to read on Radish--or just need a little reminder of why they probably want to own the e-book too), more behind-the-scenes tidbits about my process in writing the book (storyboards and inspiration), and maybe even a giveaway or two :) Self-publishing this book has been a very big deal for me, and I want to find ways to share that with you guys. 

For now, I'll leave you with a little tidbit about where the title, IT FALLS APART, comes from:

It's a phrase that felt right the first time it popped into my head, very early on in the writing process. Not "She Falls Apart" or "Falling Apart", but "It Falls Apart". It had to be "it" because it's more than just this girl navigating this messy, forbidden romance. It's Harper's entire young adult life. Her future plans, her home life with Nan, her understanding of the past, her friendship with Chloe. These are all things she's carefully crafted and cared for--until an unexpected and earthshattering attraction to a boy sweeps everything out from under her feet. But there's more to the phrase than that. There's a reason it popped into my head in the first place. There's a Canadian rock band called Odds who released a song back in 1993 called--you guessed it--IT FALLS APART. It's a catchy tune, a bit of an earworm, and it came out at a time when my own young adult heart was beating to a profoundly memorable soundtrack. Long story short, it's one of many songs that made an impression and the lyrics are kinda perfect, even if the video is so 1993 it hurts ;) 

how to radish on release day

Hello, my lovelies! As I announced yesterday, my YA contemporary romance, IT FALLS APART, is making its pre-release debut on an app called Radish THIS EVENING at 7PM. So, what is Radish and how can you find my book on there?


Simply put, Radish is a free-to-download fiction reading app that launched a few years back which enables users to read books in little bite-sized "episodes". It's great for when you’re looking to kill a little time on your commute (assuming you’re not driving) or when you’re waiting around and find yourself staring at your phone with nothing specific to read. Think Netflix for books. You can enjoy one chapter at a time or you can binge, binge, binge, and (dons best Michael Jackson impression) don’t stop till you get enough. But similar to how some shows are set up on Netflix, there is a bit of a catch—episodes (chapters) are released in a serial format, which means you can only binge so much at once before you have to wait patiently for more. Thankfully, you don't have to wait more than a couple days. Radish has a nice little promo video that demonstrates the basic concept here:

Radish is available for download on your handheld device in both Apple’s App Store and Google Play:


If you’re interested in reading more about the app, Medium did an article on it last year, which you can find here.

So, that’s Radish 101 for you. Now let’s talk about IT FALLS APART on Radish specifically. I’ve been using the app myself for a while now and it’s fairly intuitive. You can search for my book by author name (Kate Pawson Studer) or by title (It Falls Apart). Once the book comes up, you can add it to your personal reading library by tapping on the + in the upper right-hand corner. Beside the + there are also some options for sharing the story on social media, which I would appreciate immensely.

When you scroll down, you can check out individual chapters by clicking on them. IT FALLS APART will appear on Radish as a Freemium, Frontlist Pre-release. "Freemium" means that initially, you’ll be able to read the first few "episodes" of IT FALLS APART for free (the free in freemiumand then the remainder of the book will be released episode-by-episode, three times a week (Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday at 7PM). When a new chapter comes out, the app will notify you (assuming you've got my book added to your library) and readers then have the option to pay to unlock it right away or wait a week until it's released for free. It’s very flexible that way, and should you choose to pay, the end cost is on par with most e-books, so each chapter is reasonably priced.

After you’ve finished a chapter, whether you paid to access it early or waited to read it for free, you’ll notice a big heart at the bottom of the text. If you enjoyed what you read (and I hope you do!) you can click on this heart to let the Radish community know you think it’s a book worth reading.

Those are the basics. If enough people check out IT FALLS APART on Radish, we might even able to get it trending on the app’s home screen, which would bring more visibility to the story and make me a very happy author.

As I mentioned in my previous post, IT FALLS APART will also be coming to Amazon/Kindle in June as a full, pay-one-price upfront e-book that you can read easily on your Kindle, computer, or other handheld devices via the Kindle app. That’s why the release on Radish is called a Frontlist (it’s new) Pre-release (it’s exclusive to Radish before it comes out on Kindle). More details about that release are coming and if you want to make sure you don’t miss out, please take a moment to pop your name and email into the subscriber box in the sidebar of this site to sign up for my (I promise it won’t be too frequent or spammy) email news updates and/or follow me on Twitter and Facebook.

If you have any questions about Radish or how you can read IT FALLS APART, please feel free to comment on this post or send me a message on social media or via the contact form on this site.

Thank you again for all your love, encouragement, and support. This is an exciting day! The first seven episodes of IT FALLS APART will be hitting Radish this evening at 7PM! I believe the app adjusts for time zones so that should be local time for you, wherever you are. Please check it out! 

the writer's arsenal: making and missing the mark

A writer's life is full of goals--daily word count, first draft deadline, books written in a year, hopes for getting published... Some of these goals are moving targets. You can aim for them, but you won't always hit them. Writing plans get derailed. Outlined books don't get written. In publishing, it's usually the biggest goals that are hardest to hit--but that's also what makes them the most rewarding when you do. 

Back when I first started writing with the aim of being published, I had a certain set of goals in mind. My writing schedule was usually dictated by the time and energy leftover from my day job, but I still tried to stay on track. I had to. Writing goals helped me finish my first, then second book. Then when my first maternity leave came along, I set a more concrete goal for myself--I want to find an agent before I went back to work. And with a few months to spare, I met that goal. And there was much celebrating. But a much longer-standing goal still remained--it was an arbitrary one, mind you, but at some point I'd made it--and with an awesome agent to work with, it felt more possible than ever. That goal was to be published (or at least sign a book deal) by the time I turned 35. 

Well, here I am, with just over two months to go before I turn 35, and while I'm closer than many aspiring authors can claim to be, I don't have a book deal, and I'm certainly not published.

Could it still happen?


But not probably.

Summer is usually pretty slow in publishing. The industry takes time to breathe. Maybe I'm being overly protective of myself, but it feels like the right time to start accepting that particular goal is unlikely to be met. There's definitely a sadness that goes along with failing to reach a goal (even a relatively arbitrary one), but the important thing to remember is that it doesn't have to mean the door is now closed. Yeah, okay, the "under 35" door is closing, but the "after 35" door is wide open and I have no reason to not want to walk through it instead. 

Goals are important because they keep us focussed. Keep us hoping and wanting. Goals have helped me write five books, with one more in progress, and enough ideas to keep me moving for years to come. But not every one has to be met. It's okay if the goal's only accomplishment was keeping me motivated. And it's okay if I have to reset the clock. Because failing to meet a goal doesn't have to mean the end; sometimes it just means I have a reason to set a new one. 

I haven't hit the bullseye yet, I sure as hell plan to keep throwing darts.

Photo credit; ABC

Photo credit; ABC

friday5 for June 17, 2016


Well, the summer is filling up quickly, and I can already say, the Friday5 is not going to be able to be a weekly feature over the next few months. There's just too much going on! But it's all good. And we all need a little vacation sometimes. I wish I could say the reason there hasn't been a June Friday5 yet is because I've been relaxing, but it's actually quite the opposite. I've been working like a mad woman on everything from freelance edits, to back cover copy, to my own writing, to attending end of the school year events with Little E, to building a vegetable garden in the backyard, to, well, the list goes on. But I think you get the idea. It's been a busy few weeks, and it doesn't appear to be slowing down anytime soon.

Everyday life stuff aside, I've also been finding myself feeling a bit overwhelmed by life stuff lately as well. A lot of heavy stuff in the news, pushing down, settling deep. If you happen to be reading this at a time other than the week of June 17, 2016, maybe google what was going on and you'll see what I mean. I don't really want to get into it here because I know I can't do it justice, so I'll just say this: the world is full of love and goodness, but it's not enough. We need more of it. We're at like, 80% love, and we need closer to 95%, maybe even 100%. Okay, I can already feel myself wanting to launch into a long rant, so I'll leave it at that. Love. LOVE <3

I also want to add a quick note about the ups and downs of being on submission, because I'm in a bit of a down trend right now, feeling the hopelessness (which is probably only compounded by badness in the world right now). I've posted in the past about rejection, and how it's all part of the journey, and how you can't take it personally, and need a thick skin, and can usually learn so much from the experience, and YES, all of that is so, so true. But even when you know that logically, you can still find yourself in a funk sometimes. It's rough ride. And if I somehow knew it would work out in the end, I wouldn't mind the bumps so much, but not knowing makes it hard sometimes. Of course, that doesn't stop me from writing, and it doesn't stop me from trying. Even when I'm feeling really down about the whole thing, the seeds of hope are still there, asking me to water them, because they want to grow big again. They don't want me to give up, and thank goodness, that's usually enough--enough to keep going. Keep working hard and keep hoping. Maybe you can relate, in some way or another, with regards something that you want, but can only do so much to achieve. If you don't want to give up, you have to learn to live with hoping, but not knowing. You just have to. Because when you want something, there's no other option than to keep going.

But enough about that. Let's get to some news, shall we?


Photo credit: @HPPlayLDN via Twitter

Photo credit: @HPPlayLDN via Twitter

I feel I must address the fact that Harry Potter and the Cursed Child has now been seen. I won't post any spoilers here but I will note that I have read them, and everything I've heard has me hoping more than ever that a much wider audience will get to see the play, as opposed to just reading it when it hits the shelves on July 31st. Screen it in theatres, show it on TV, I don't care, but let us see it. Because it sounds like something that needs to be seen. And while I'm certain I'll still buy the play when it comes out, I can't help but feel I'll be missing something vital if I don't get to see it with my own two eyes. 


Photo credit: EW

Photo credit: EW

Are you excited for Bryan Fuller's adaptation of Neil Gaiman's American Gods? You really should be. The cast is shaping up to be fantastic (Gillian Anderson!), and you can't go wrong with the source material. EW has just released a few teaser images to whet our appetites too. Will you be watching when American Gods debuts?


Note: This section of the Friday5 was formerly called, "Trailer Worth Watching"--I've decided to rename it to open it up to other share-worthy videos, though this week, it is a trailer for what looks like Disney's next hit:



They are four best friends who've shared joy and secrets, love and memories, and since the beginning, Lorna was the one who held them all together. Then, the unthinkable happens. During a storm, Lorna is swept out to sea, leaving the three survivors with nothing to cling to except grief and questions. How did this happen? Why was Lorna in such danger, and was she alone? When her body is never found, the mystery deepens. Did Lorna really die? Or has she made a crazy bid for freedom? Inevitably, the dynamic of the four friends' everyday life is changed forever. But the pain and confusion go deepest for Jackie, who must face her feelings of unrequited love for Lorna's boyfriend as well as try to put to rest her own questions about Lorna's presumed death. Does one of the boys in their inner circle know more than he's letting on? Will Lorna's fate ever be discovered? And how will Jackie become her own person in the wake of a wound that may never close? In this beautifully written, intense novel, one girl has to travel through loss and disillusionment to make sense of her own future.

-Courtesy of Indiebound


Happy Weekend!