the not-so-lost prologue

IT FALLS APART has been out in the world in e-book and print formats for just over a week now. Thank you so much--SO MUCH--to everyone who has ordered a copy and/or left a review. You have literally helped to make my dream of having a book out in the world come true. I can't tell you how much that means to me. If you haven't had a chance to leave a review you, Amazon.com specifically could really use some love. If you've reviewed somewhere else, it's easy to just copy and paste your same review to other sites, including Goodreads. THANK YOU!

I have a few things I want to share with you on the blog in the coming weeks--some fun little bonus items. Maybe even a deleted scene or two? Actually, today's offering is something of a deleted scene, only it's not exactly a scene. Rather, it's the original prologue, and if it sounds familiar, it's because after I decided to scrap it, I then used it as the basis for my book trailer (and here you all thought I just write really compelling book trailer scripts!).

In its final form, the novel starts with an e-mail from Harper to Chloe, written right after they've said goodbye. That's something that came to feel like the right place to start the story after a few rounds of revisions, but before that, there was this:

IT FALLS APART - ORIGINAL PROLOGUE

We’re moving.

Two words no one wants to hear halfway through their senior year of high school. Moving is social reincarnation. A life-altering shove out of the nest, and into the unknown.

New town. New school. New peers. The grief of leaving everything you know and love behind. The broken fence post that gave you that scar. The treehouse in the backyard, once a castle. There’s a reason relocating is the start of so many stories. Having to fumble your way through a new reality when your life’s unwittingly been turned upside-down? It hits you right in the gut. Like the first time you see your parents as helpless and realize the world isn’t some safe, unyielding bubble. The bubble moves.

Sometimes it pops.

I know because it happened to me—only I wasn’t the one who left. Halfway through senior year, my best friend moved away, leaving me to collect the shattered pieces in her wake.

And in case you missed it, or feel compelled to view it again in all its staggering beauty, here is the book trailer for IT FALLS APART, featuring an edited version of the above:

inspiring IT FALLS APART

Hello again! Two blogs in a row? What is this, Disneyland? No, it's not. And no, that didn't make much sense, so let's move on. As I mentioned at the end of yesterday's exciting announcement about the release date for the e-book of IT FALLS APART (June 28th) and the shiny, new cover coming on May 21st (have you signed up for email updates yet? --->), today I'm going to treat you to a little taste of how things appeared in my mind's eye as I wrote IT FALLS APART. Often, when I start a new story, I have a very rough idea of what I want my characters to look like. Sometimes they're based on specific actors or fictional characters while other times they're closer to some composite of elements I've formed in my brain. Sometimes they're a little fuzzier and less well-defined, but start to take shape as I write, leading me to later identify them with someone in particular. In the case of IT FALLS APART, I had a pretty clear idea of what one particular character looked like, but the others were more in that fuzzy zone, where I had a rough idea, but not a specific person in mind. So to help me with the process, I started to look for images that might help me fully flesh out the characters and settings in the book, so I could turn to them whenever I wanted to get a strong visual.

When it comes to "casting" characters in my books, I tend to avoid really mainstream blockbuster actors and actresses who've already made too strong an impression on me, especially if they're already in big YA franchises that have left them as someone very specific in my head. In other words, as lovely as she is, it's unlikely any of my protagonists will ever be the spitting image of J-Law. That said, there are times when someone is just the right match, and as long as my brain can make the connection without seeing the a-lister as someone else, they end up being a good fit. 

So, how do I (roughly) picture Harper, Luke, Chloe, and Meera? Let's take a look:

Alicia von Rittberg as Harper Donnelly

Honestly, I don't know much about Alicia von Rittberg. I just know that when I saw some pictures of her, I said, "That's what Harper looks like, except Harper has darker hair." Sometimes casting my main protagonist is hardest because she's the most like me of all the characters, and I want my readers to be able to identify with her too. I often don't include detailed physical descriptions in any of my books because I really do like my readers to be able to picture the characters however they want to. I'll give little hints about hair color or length, but if the reader wants to picture Harper as a different ethnicity, I want them to be able to do that without too much trouble. It's hard. I know some people like a lot of physical description so they can really picture the characters as I do, but I suppose this post is for them! This is Harper to me. A pretty girl-next-door. Casual, confident, and beautiful, without looking too-unrealistically-Hollywood gorgeous.

Jeremy Irvine as Luke Coleman

Of course, Luke has to be a babe. But he also has to capture that boy-next-door quality too. Casting the heroes in my books is also often a challenge because again, I want someone who is definitely hot enough to be a supermodel, but doesn't look like he was born to walk the runway. Jeremy Irvine captures the Luke look to me. Very cute, gorgeous lips, but you could still picture him working in the barn at the inn. Not a "pretty boy", though he is very pretty to look at. I think Harper would more than approve :)

Tanvi Ganesh Lonkar as Meera Chabra

With Hollywood still coming up short with regards to casting diversity, there isn't exactly a large selection of young, Indian actresses to consider when it comes to casting someone like Meera. Hopefully one day there will be a significantly larger pool of Indian actresses to consider, but I did do some research into Bollywood films to see if I could find someone who fit the image of Meera I had in my head. In the end, nobody quite clicked until I found Tanvi Ganesh Lonkar, who actually is of Hollywood ilk, playing in Slumdog Millionaire. As soon as I saw Tanvi, I knew she was Meera, right down to her mostly sweet, but a little bit sassy smile.

Chloë Grace Moretz as Chloe Pascal

Chloë is Chloe. She's always been Chloe. She's the reason Chloe was named Chloe. I think CGM is a very cool young woman (having loved her since Kick-Ass) and I think my Chloe is a very cool young woman too. Yes, in a story where we're rooting for Harper and Luke, there may be an underlying desire to see Chloe as the enemy, but really, she's not. She's Harper's BFF for a reason. She's sweet and funny with a big heart. It would have been easy to write her as a bad person, or someone Harper could easily have a falling out with to pave the way for her and Luke hooking up, but no. Whether it's Harper and Chloe or Harper and Meera, strong female friendships were an important component of IT FALLS APART as I set out to write and I hope Chloe comes across as lovely and likable even if she is a pretty big obstacle for Harper and Luke.

So, that's it for casting. I almost never bother to cast the adult characters in my books (Nan is every awesome grandma you've ever met all rolled into one), and I haven't yet taken the time to cast side characters like Yuvin, Carter, Lewis, or Eden. I have images of them in my mind, but they're still in that fuzzy state. And like I said, I really do like my readers to be able to imagine the characters for themselves. In fact, if you've been picturing them a certain way, I'd love to hear about it in the comments!

Before I sign off on this post, I'll share a few more bonus images with you, which I also had saved in my inspiration folder for IT FALLS APART:

The main house at the Coleman Country Inn

A guest cabin at The Coleman Country Inn

Harper and Nan's cottage-like home

Berne Harbor, based on Bar Harbor, Maine

I've never been to Bar Harbor (or Maine for that matter--YET), but I based the fictional town of Berne Harbor on it because it perfectly captures everything I wanted Harper's touristy hometown to be.

Harper's prom dress

I'd love to include Meera's prom dress too, but that one was 100% from my brain and I'm yet to stumble across an image that captures it. 

exciting e-book news!

Pre-release promo cover for radish

Hello blog followers and friends! I can’t believe IT FALLS APART has been out in the world (okay, not in its entirety YET) for over a month now. I can't believe it's been a #1 bestseller on the Radish YA/TEEN list for the past 15 days in a row! And I can’t believe we only have SIX more episodes to go! For those who’ve been reading, thank you so much for devoting a portion of your precious reading time to my words and for supporting me as an indie author. I appreciate it deeply and hope you’re enjoying the story so far! For those who haven’t had a chance to check it out, or are waiting for the e-book (or are reading it on Radish AND want to further support me by adding the ebook to their collection), I have some exciting news to share! 

The e-book of IT FALLS APART will officially be available for your reading and re-reading pleasure on Thursday, June 28, 2018. And in addition to capturing the entire novel in a single volume for the first time, the e-book will also feature an all-new cover (i.e. NOT the one pictured above) that I’m very excited to share with you SOON. In fact, the lovely new cover be making its debut here on the blog on Monday, May 21st. BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE EXCITING NEWS! Newsletter subscribers are going to get to see it even sooner! That’s right, anyone who’s signed up for my (exciting updates only, I promise) newsletter will get a sneak peak of the e-book cover on Wednesday, May 16th, almost a full week ahead of everyone else! How cool and exclusive is that? The answer is very cool and very exclusive. Maybe even too exclusive, but hey, I like you guys, so it’s all good. And of course, in addition to getting early access to the cover, you’ll also never miss an update about what’s happening with future releases, including firsthand scoop on when the IT FALLS APART e-book becomes available for pre-order on Amazon—AND I may have a few other exclusive goodies up my sleeve as well...

So, if you’re so inclined, please take a moment to sign up right here on the site. On desktop, you can find the super-easy signup box right there on the righthand sidebar of this page. If you’re on mobile, you will probably have to scroll down a bit until you see it, but once you’re there, you’re just a few keystrokes away from never missing out. 

I’ll be back here on the blog tomorrow to share some of the images I used for inspiration while writing IT FALLS APART. Dream casting anyone? Come back tomorrow to see how Harper, Luke, Chloe, and Meera all appeared in my mind's eye as I brought them to life on the page. 

first kisses to melt your everything

There's a bit of kissing going down in this week's chapters of IT FALLS APART--okay, there's A LOT of kissing cause, come on guys, KISSING. Fun fact: There is a folder on my computer called "Kissing". It's a wonderful place, where kissing-related images and inspiration go to make out. 

ANYWAYS, in addition to all the kissing (did I mention there's KISSING?), IT FALLS APART also hit #1 on the YA/Teen list last night AND flew past 50k views this morning! I AM DEAD. 

You guys. That's a lot of views! I'm not-so-kinda blown away. You guys are the best. Seriously. You're right up there with my kissing folder. Okay, you're better than my kissing folder.  I can think of no better way to celebrate these milestones (and the kissing) than with a rundown of some of the best TV kisses to ever lock lips. If you're not swooning by the end of this list, you're dead inside. Or a robot. Or something. 

(Disclaimer: I wanted to include even more swoony first kisses, but couldn't find all of them online so if your fav kiss is missing, I apologize!)

In no particular order, let's get romantic:

Logan and Veronica, VERONICA MARS

Tim and Lyla, FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS

Fitz and Simmons, MARVEL'S AGENTS OF SHIELD

Mindy and Danny, THE MINDY PROJECT

Chuck and Sarah, CHUCK

Jeff and Annie, COMMUNITY

Chuck and Blair, GOSSIP GIRL

Hanna and Caleb, PRETTY LITTLE LAIRS

Cosima and Delphine, ORPHAN BLACK

Josh and Donna, THE WEST WING

Pacey and Joey, DAWSON'S CREEK

Blaine and Kurt, GLEE

Betty and Jughead, RIVERDALE

Castle and Beckett, CASTLE

Luke and Lorelai, GILMORE GIRLS 

Jim and Pam, THE OFFICE

Mulder and Scully, THE X-FILES

What's your favourite TV kiss?

only just begun

Holy meatball sandwiches, you guys. The past (nearly) two weeks have been a nonstop whirlwind of excitement, ambition, surprise, and more gratitude than my heart can contain. I've said before that writing with the goal of being published (but not yet being published) can feel very isolating at times and it's so true. If you're lucky, you have a small, but dedicated group of loved ones and beta readers cheering you on, but at the end of the day, it's a lot of work with very limited feedback. You can feel like you're on the right track, but when you're faced with rejection after rejection, it starts to wear you down. You start to wonder if the track ever actually leads anywhere.

The decision to self-publish IT FALLS APART wasn't an easy one for me to make, and I still find myself wondering if I've taken a huge misstep, but I'm starting to worry less about that because apparently, people are reading it, and as far as I can tell, they're liking it. And with over 3.5k views and hundreds of subscribers (people who WANT to be notified when a new chapter comes out so they can keep reading), this is the first time since I signed with my extremely awesome agent years ago that I've felt like I've accomplished a little more of what I set out to do. Obviously, this isn't it as in goal accomplished. I still want an editor to fall in love with my writing, my books, to take a chance on me the way I've decided to take a chance on myself. But...people are reading one of my books. And based on the numbers, it's no longer just friends and family. It's strangers. It's people who aren't only reading because they know me. It's people who seem to be enjoying my characters, my voice, this story I hope both touches and entertains. It's an incredible thing. And it's far from over.

If you've been reading IT FALLS APART, even if you just checked it out and haven't continued, THANK YOU. From the very bottom of my heart. Your support means so much, I can't possibly express it. Working in publishing, I know writing novels is far from a get-rich-quick scheme. Most writers don't make enough to quit their day job. Many never will. That's not why they write. That's not why *I* write. I write because there are stories in my heart. It's full of characters, jokes, arguments, heartache, confusion, passion, and beauty. I write because I want to put that out in the world. I write because I want to share it with people who might read it and say, "Yes, this. I can relate to this." That's why reviews often mean more to authors than sales. Writers don't seek fame and fortune. They seek voices who've read us and feel compelled to say, "Yes. Yes to all of this." 

I'm hoping to have more concrete details to share with you all soon regarding the e-book release of IT FALLS APART. As we get closer to that date (it will be in late June), I can promise an exciting new cover reveal, more fun teasers and excerpts (for those who haven't had a chance to read on Radish--or just need a little reminder of why they probably want to own the e-book too), more behind-the-scenes tidbits about my process in writing the book (storyboards and inspiration), and maybe even a giveaway or two :) Self-publishing this book has been a very big deal for me, and I want to find ways to share that with you guys. 

For now, I'll leave you with a little tidbit about where the title, IT FALLS APART, comes from:

It's a phrase that felt right the first time it popped into my head, very early on in the writing process. Not "She Falls Apart" or "Falling Apart", but "It Falls Apart". It had to be "it" because it's more than just this girl navigating this messy, forbidden romance. It's Harper's entire young adult life. Her future plans, her home life with Nan, her understanding of the past, her friendship with Chloe. These are all things she's carefully crafted and cared for--until an unexpected and earthshattering attraction to a boy sweeps everything out from under her feet. But there's more to the phrase than that. There's a reason it popped into my head in the first place. There's a Canadian rock band called Odds who released a song back in 1993 called--you guessed it--IT FALLS APART. It's a catchy tune, a bit of an earworm, and it came out at a time when my own young adult heart was beating to a profoundly memorable soundtrack. Long story short, it's one of many songs that made an impression and the lyrics are kinda perfect, even if the video is so 1993 it hurts ;) 

IT FALLS APART release dates and excerpt!

WOW. I am absolutely blown away by the amount of excitement and encouragement my big news was met with over social media last week. I said it then and I'll say it again, THANK YOU SO MUCH! I am being completely and utterly sincere when I say I would not be where I am today on this long, winding publishing journey without the amazing support of friends and family. When you're writing with the goal of being published, but haven't yet been published, you so often feel like you're working inside a bubble, but last week, I felt like that bubble burst, and this week, I'm excited to finally get to invite you all inside the bubble with me :)

Speaking of my bubble (okay, admittedly this analogy is getting a little weird), I've just launched a new module here on the site that will enable you to sign up for news and updates about me and my books, delivered right to your inbox! That's right, just enter your name and email address right over here-ish in the sidebar (unless you're reading this on mobile) and you’ll never miss an update. ------>
I promise I won’t spam you. Just a few updates a year when something truly exciting is happening and you can unsubscribe anytime.

Now for today's big news: IT FALLS APART will officially be published in e-book format in JUNE of this year (specific date still TBD), just in time to help with your summer reading needs. But I know you guys probably don't want to wait that long so I'm super excited to announce you will be able to start reading it as early as TOMORROW, Wednesday, March 28th, when it makes its pre-release debut in serial format on the fiction reading app, Radish. Odds are, you've never heard of Radish before, but that's okay. I'll be posting everything you need to know about the app and how it works and most importantly, how you can find my book on there before the book is officially launched tomorrow evening. So, stay tuned! MORE TO COME ON THAT.

In the meantime, I want to leave you guys with a flirty little excerpt from IT FALLS APART, to say thank you again for all the love and support:

“Dancing is so overrated,” I panted, sliding my hands up to cup his face and bring his lips down on mine. He pulled away just long enough to huff the word, “agreed,” then continued the kiss, his fingers skimming beneath the bodice of my dress.

This had gone so far off the rails I had no idea how to get things back on track. But honestly, I didn’t care. The prom that was happening out there, beyond the stairwell we’d secluded ourselves to, had been fun and all, but this was So. Much. Better.

“As much as I appreciate the urgency,” I said when his lips slid down to my collarbone. “This isn’t exactly the most covert locale. What if another couple gets the same idea?”

He stopped kissing me and straightened, breathing heavily. “What do you have in mind?”

I quirked an eyebrow. “Wanna get out of here?”

He kissed me again, then we headed back into the main hall, so I could grab my purse and say a quick goodbye to Meera. I found her and Yuvin at our table, drinking the punch he’d gotten earlier.

“Oh hey,” Meera said. “I was looking for you. Where did you—why do you look so flushed?” Her eyes went wide, then briefly flickered to Luke standing behind me. “What were you just doing?”

“Nothing,” I said. “Please don’t ask. I think we’re gonna get out of here.”

Meera smiled knowingly. “I see. Okay, that’s cool. Anything you need from me? An alibi maybe?”

“We’re not burying a body,” I deadpanned.

“And what exactly will you be burying?” she teased, a mischievous glint in her eye. “The hatchet?” Again, her eyes shot to Luke. “Something else?”

“Hey, it’s not my fault your parents never had the talk with you.” I leaned over to give her a hug. “I’ll see you at Eden’s party later, yeah?”

Meera shrugged. “Assuming Yuv and I don’t skip off to Vegas, sure.”

“Please don’t get married without me.” I turned my attention to Yuvin. “Please don’t let her marry you without me.”

Yuvin clearly hadn’t been paying attention. “Huh?”

“Nothing,” I said. “Don’t worry about it.” I glanced over my shoulder at Luke. “You ready?”

The look in his eyes was hungry. “Definitely.”

---

If you'd like to read more about IT FALLS APART, you can find the cover blurb along with a link to another excerpt here. And don’t forget to use that little box over in the side bar to sign up for news and updates. I’ll be back here on the blog tomorrow with all the details you’ll need to find IT FALLS APART on the Radish App!

the time comes

When people find out I’m a writer, one of the first questions they usually ask is, “Where can I read one of your books?” and my answer has always been, “I’m not published yet, but I have a kick-ass agent and we’re working on it. Really, really hard.”

Publishing is a land of talent and timing—and a little luck doesn’t hurt. I’ve been told, by editor after editor, that I have the talent, but the timing has never worked out. It’s frustrating. I’ve written seven novels. I WANT people to be able to read them. Self-publishing one of my books while we pursue traditional publication for the others is something I’ve thought about many times before. But self-publishing is scary. It’s a lot of hard work with very little return. But I’ve been chasing the dream for so long that I’ve reached a point where I need to put something out there. So, I’m both terrified and excited to announce that yes, you will soon be able to read one of my books. I’m going to be self-publishing my contemporary YA romance, IT FALLS APART. Details on where, when, and how you can check it out (and I really hope you do) will be coming in the next few days. For now, I just want to thank you all for supporting and encouraging me over the years.

Thank you.