pretty little recap: all aboard the murder train!

3.13 This is a Dark Ride
I didn't realize just how excited I was for PLL to be back until the opening credits started to roll. We already know someone will die before the hour is up (thanks to ABC Family's tease...) so this is going to be a good one! I apologize in advance for typos as I wrote this on my ipad, which seems to hate me sometimes.

Previously on PLL: Things got batshiz crazy when Nate revealed himself to be psycho and Hot Caleb (who reminds me of Taylor Kitsch and therefore immediately became one of my tv boyfriends the moment he first graced the PLL screen) was shot! But I know he'll be okay because hotness defeats bullets (Not always, but come on. This is PLL.) Also, Creeper Toby turns out to be part of the A team. Way to be predictable, Creeper Toby. Yes, there was a time when I fell for the idea that he was just a strange, slight anti-social guy with a crooked nose, but deep down, I always knew he was up to something!

We open to Mona acting creepy with a creepy head. Oh Mona, I know previews for the show's January return have you sprung from Radley, but I don't understand how that's possible. If you want out, you need to stop doing creepy things. Then again, nobody seems to ever be treating her/watching her so whatever. Go bananas, Mona.

What is Hanna wearing? What is going on here? Clearly these are Halloween fashions, but how is it that Aria looks semi-normal? Wait. The hat. The shoes. Nevermind.

How did Garrett get in? For parents rarely being around, the Hastings homestead sure appears to have a revolving door policy. Oh, Creeper Toby. I think you're more menacing now that we know you're a black hoodie enthusiast. I think I'll forever be on edge now, thinking he could stab Spencer at any time, which would be tragedy since she's got the best one-liners. Or maybe it'll be one of those "I was supposed to be bad, but I fell in looooove with you, Spencer!" kind of things.

My PVR is glitchy.

Sigh. Hanna and Hot Caleb. These two could have their own show about making out in the closet and I'd totally watch it.

If I were one of the liars, I'd give the idea of NOT attending any more Rosewood parties some thought. Something bad always happens! Also, are we not dealing with the fallout of Emily killing Nate? No? Okay....

What's up with Ezra acting all weird? And is that..? He's wearing a black hoodie! Oh man... I don't like the direction this is heading. You can have Ezra, A team, but Hot Caleb is off limits!

Jenna. Eyepatch. Heh. Ewww. Noel and Jenna makeouts are awkward for some reason. Maybe because I don't like either of them.

Oh no. The creepy gremlin doll mask guy again! That thing is my nightmares personified.

Noel acts like a jerk then almost chokes on a grape. Clearly a fake out given the promise of a death. Though how hilarious would it be if the person who died in this episode died from choking on a grape instead of whatever mysterious, twisty fashion I expect it'll happen in? Extremely.

Okay, Emily's costume is pretty awesome. Where did she get that on such short notice? Didn't they just decide what they were doing earlier that day?

Adam Lambert? Not a fan. Not an Idol fan either (sorry folks). This scene feels really awkward. The train is so narrow. It seems so uncomfortable to have people filter semi-excitedly into the room like that. I would think they'd either feel shy and strange because they're in a tiny train car or they'd be such huge AL fans that they'd rush the stage, throwing their panties every which way. But the way it plays out is just... weird.

Ha ha. Mona and her crazy escape antics. The security at Radley is babytown frolics.

Aaaand we're back to AL the vampire. This song is weird. Is he signing something about "Cuckoo"? I don't get it.

Creeper Toby covering Jenna's eye. Oh snap. Creeper Toby is creepy, but I far prefer him to Jenna and HER BITCHY LIES. Stupid Jenna.

I'm so over this AL the vampire dance scene. And what's with the audible comments of "Work it Adam"? Is that in case we don't recognize him and have to Google, "Who is this Adam guy on PLL and where can I buy his Cuckoo song?!?!?"?

Obligatory creepy kid. Wearing...a wig? Is that her costume? Or is she supposed to look like she and a raccoon were run over by a truck and the raccoon somehow fused to her head? And why is Trashley dressed like a slutty nurse for the trick or treaters? Oh right, cause she's Trashley.

Hot Caleb and Hanna windy makeouts!! Sigh. Love Hot Caleb. He can haunt my Halloween train any time.

Okay, why is AL the vampire randomly trying to be besties with boring old Aria? Why doesn't she ever do anything interesting?

Are we still pretending Paige and Emily are a good match? We are? Okay... I miss Maya.

Oh noes! Spencer!

Commercial for The Voice. Why couldn't Adam Levine be on PLL instead of AL the vampire?

Oh. It's just Garrett. Trying to gain Spencer's trust by attacking her. Of course! What's with the whole I like you the best business? Ooooh flashback! Ali is such a bitch. Why were they friends with her again? So Garrett and Ali wanted Jenna to think he murdered Ali with a field hockey stick beatdown? How does that make any sense??? If Ali hadn't gone on to be murdered, how would they've later explained her being alive to Jenna? Am I missing something? I definitely feel like I'm missing something. Unless Ali knew somebody (cough*twin theory*cough) was about to die...

Mr. Aria?? What are you going with Ali?? We do know he likes a good affair... This could be interesting. And creepy. I'm suddenly happy Alexis Denisof ended up not playing Aria's dad (remember when that was a possibility??)

Meanwhile, back in the present... finally!!! Getting kidnapped is probably the most interesting thing Aria has done this season. Or ever. But I smell another fake out. No way they kill off any of the liars.

You can get a varsity letter in messing with us. Heh. Love you Hanna. Hanna and Spencer are totally my favourite liars. Emily is often cool too. Aria sucks.

So if Emily checked everywhere for Aria, how did she miss the train car with the shaking, screaming box in it?

Okay. The Hanna double-mask thing was scary. I knew it wasn't Hot Caleb (the masked person wasn't acting nearly hot enough) but I was not expecting there to be another creepy mask underneath.

This little girl story feels very out of place, but I think it's a cough*twin theory*cough thing. It harkens back to last year's Halloween episode. Does anybody else think that little girl is super weird looking? I mean beyond the dead raccoon hair. She almost looks like the little girl version of Creeper Toby.

Spencer! NOT AGAIN! Stay away from Spencer, you weirdos! We need her sarcastic wit! Ugh. All these masks are starting to get to me. There are too many team Aers running around on this train. So hard to keep track. Isn't there a passenger manifesto they can cross-reference?

I guess Spence and Paige are square now.

Garrett? Dead? That makes sense. His storyline was basically over, even moreso after he spilled his guts to Spencer. Being creepy will do wonders, but straightforward confessions don't get you anywhere in Rosewood.

How did he get in that box with Aria? The timing on that seems odd...

Wait, the boys are at the front of train and are going to work their way back? Wouldn't getting to the front already have shown them everything there is to see? This whole train thing doesn't really work. It's claustrophobic, which is good, but it leaves a few gaps in logic.

Paige saying that helping Spencer "was a pleasure" seems weird. It's one thing to say you were "happy to have gotten there in time". Or "don't mention it". Or "you would have done the same", but "it was a pleasure"? You're weird, Paige.

Girl and guy voices pushing Aria. At this point, there are several possibilities... Aria's struggling voice sounds off. Whenever they show her face, I feel like the voice is coming from elsewhere. It's bothering me. Maybe my PVR is acting up again.

Hooray! The liars to the rescue! Though I wouldn't exactly weep if Aria had been tossed... Lucy Hale is cute as a button, but Aria is ZZZzzzzzz

Alright, let's wrap this thing up. Glad to see some real clues and a few juicy reveals. I admire this show for actually moving the story forward.

Oh Ezra. What is going on with you? Don't make me start calling you Creeper Ezra!

Okay Toby is kinda hot when he's standing up for the liars, but he's still not really hot. It's like personality hot, not face hot. Cause he still looks like he got smacked with a frying pan.

Oh. He was probably just shoving Noel to reveal that body bag in ice. That's less hot. Bets on Ali being in the bag? Or an Ali double?

Mona's back in her room with the mask that she accosted Hanna in. Not too shocking that it was her since she and Hanna have a thang. Not a thang thang, but you know. She's most likely to volunteer for Hanna duty whenever they have their A team meetings. I also picture her as the treasurer.

Ummmmmmmmmmm WTF HAND COMING OUT OF THE GROUND???? Oh PLL, you so crazy.

Until January, I suppose!